Vote for Death

If you decided it was a good idea to invade Iraq, in effect, you voted for the death of almost 2,500 of our kids. You voted for severe injuries to 15,000 of our kids. You voted for the death and injury of tens of thousands of Iraqi citizens. Is this harsh? Yes. Is it true? Yes. Deal with it. Don’t start making a bunch of lame excuses.
Now, if you cough up the ancient excuse that since we have wasted so many lives, we can’t stop now, then you are casting a vote to kill and injury and maim more of our kids and their citizens. That’s right. More of our children will die in the coming weeks and months and years. This is guaranteed. You know it. Soon, the death toll will equal the amount of people killed on 9/11. And the end result, at best, will be an Islamic government that will quickly eliminate democratic reforms and settle in to be a mild version of the Taliban regime. This what they are all dying for, folks. If you think it’s going to result in Norman Rockwell goes to the desert, you are dreaming. All of this because you cannot admit that this was a monumental fiasco in the first place.
So the argument then is; “We can’t leave now because all those lives will have been wasted because we were wrong to begin with.” It’s a terrible argument. It’s good money after bad, if you will.
Now, if you need to take the heat off of yourself in order to begin good, rational thinking for a change, then blame Bush. This was the dumb-ass idea of him and his sick and twisted cronies including Rumsfeld the reptile and Darth Cheney. This would not have happened if Bush the Lesser didn’t need to impress a domineering mother or a milktoast, sniveling father. At least Daddy knew better than to preemptively invade Iraq.
I have the mental image of all of us being locked in the dank hold of an ancient sailing ship. A fierce storm is raging outside, The wind is howling and the seas are tossing the ship like a cork towards huge, jagged rocks. And the captain is at the wheel in the hurricane. And the captain is totally, maniacally insane, laughing and howling at the storm and heading us all toward the rocks.
Have a nice day.

Food, Wonderful Food

I met a businessman in the late 80’s who was making connections with similar business people in the Soviet Union. I assumed that his motives were both patriotic and financially self-serving. He would often go to Russia to meet with his counterparts and often he would bring them here.
Once, he took a Russian lawyer to Safeway to do some shopping. She was quite amazed at the quality and variety of food; high quality fresh meat, five kinds of lettuce, exotic fruit, twenty kinds of bread, etc.
At one point, the businessman stepped away from the shopping cart to fetch something. When he came back she had nearly half-filled the cart with beef and pork. He asked her what she was doing and she told him that today there was such good meat for sale that she had to grab it before it was all gone. He laughed and then explained that it would all be there again tomorrow and the day after.

At Costco the other day I noticed an interesting young man working as a bagger. Actually it would probably be more accurate to call him a boxer. He was most likely African and possible Sudanese. He was tall and thin and very dark with a pattern of decorative welts running across his forehead.
I wondered what it must be like to come from the Sudan or Eritrea or Somalia and find yourself in a building with food literally stacked thirty feet high to the ceiling, surrounded by enormously fat white people pushing hundreds of pounds of cola and macaroni and cheese and fettuccine spaghetti to their monstro cars. It must seem like the strangest world to him. Sometimes it seems like a strange world to me.

Questions, Questions, Troubling Today’s Teens

Is a war legal if you don’t declare war? Is it then actually a war?
If you attack another country and the citizens defend their country, are they terrorists? Enemy combatants?
Would we be if we defended our country?
Can a person be an enemy combatant just because you declare it so?

Would you risk your life to defend our country?
Would you donate the life of one of your children to change the style of government in another country. . . . one that you may never have heard of?

Why is there such hatred of the Jews?
(Not to be confused with the policies of the State of Israel)
What horrible thing have they done that no other culture has done? Is it because a small group of them voted for the execution of an obscure religious radical named Jesus 2000 years ago? If you blamed a whole race of people for all time for the actions of two hundred trouble makers then aren’t all Americans guilty of the persecution and deaths of Native Americans and Slaves?

Are the Jews trying to take over the world? And if they did, what would happen? Would it be worse than the world being controlled by multinational conglomerates who surely value the bottom line over your little life. Would it be worse than being controlled by a smug, frat-boy moron who is slowly dissolving democracy as we speak?

Why are we boycotting Cuba? Is it because they are a communist state? Isn’t China?
Is it because Castro blatantly snubbed his nose at us? If so then doesn’t that make the whole affair just a testosterone induced pissing match?

Questions, questions

The King of Junque Food

I came up with a great idea once that, unfortunately, I have yet to follow through on. I thought it would be a great idea to have a tacky party where everyone would have to come dressed in the most tasteless, ill-conceived clothes. I found that Goodwill was full of plaid jackets, white shoes and belts, women’s sweatshirts with cute little kitties and glitter, etc. The possibilities were mind-boggling.
But the toughest part was coming up with snacks and drinks that people would actually eat. Spam squares on toast came to mind. Fried baloney, undescended twinkies and Flaming Cabbage Head Weenies in PuPu Sauce also sounded good (if you want the recipe, drop me a line). For drinks I came up with a wine cooler consisting of a decent white wine mixed with Nehi crème soda (which is a vivid blue). Other drinks could be served in paper bags or at least with those really cool little paper umbrellas.
However, even though I never had the party, I still considered myself the King of Junk Food. I liked Banquet TV dinners. I liked pickled eggs. I liked pepperoni sticks.
Now, I hate to admit this, but I have finally met my match.
For years I played in a garage band. What we lacked in ability we made up for in volume. The bass player was my good friend Jeff. Jeff is a man of appetites. Every time we took a break, he would go upstairs and devise a snack. One that I remember was L’ll Smokies Wieners in teriyaki sauce with cheetoes and beer. But he was yet to show us his true brilliance.
We met at a rental practice room one night to have a serious band practice. When you pay for a room you are more likely to work harder. Sure enough, at break time, Jeff opened his little cooler. With some prep and a little fanfare he offered us his masterpiece: chicken-in-a-basket crackers, cheese-whiz squirted from a can topped with his piece de resistance: caviar. That’s right, caviar and cheese whiz! The juxtaposition was brilliant. I fell to my knees in awe and humility and kissed the hem of his garment (OK, they were levi’s).
In the years since I have strained to top it, but it is of no use. I have met the man and he is called Jeff.