Nothing Good is Going to Happen Today

I have learned how to control the universe. After decades of searching the world, reading dusty and forgotten books, seeking gurus and meditating until my legs went to sleep, I have found The Way. And I will now share it with you.
It began many years ago when I still smoked cigarettes. I noticed that when, in a restaurant with friends, we would place our order and it would always take too long for the food to come. I would get impatient and light up a smoke. Of course, as soon as I would fire it up, the waitress would come with our food.
Over the years I put two and two together (I'm a slow learner). And I am finally ready to share the Secrets of the Universe with you. Of course, as always, there is a cost involved.
If you are waiting for an important call and the phone just won't ring . . . get in the shower.
If you are waiting for someone to pick you up to go do something fun . . . get out a project and spread it out on the table. Note; there is a mathematical inverse to this: the bigger the project, the quicker the result. (I actually tried this once and it worked perfectly. My friends frowned at me for not being ready because I was running around putting things away.)
In other words, don't get prepared for good things to happen. Just act like you are killing time like it's another wasted day, and good news will walk through the door. The difficult part is that the universe will know if you are faking it so you have to develop mental discipline. Home Chicken knows this rule. Just check her out on the side bar on this page for this date.
And remember, nothing good's going to happen today.