An open response to Mary Anna

We are now getting to the inevitable conclusion these discussions always lead to;
In the end, there is no way to actually prove these things and so one must step out on faith. That's fine. But what about a person like me who can't seem to do that and now, at this point in my life, can't imagine why I need or should desire to do such a thing. As they say in theatre; what's my motivation?
Anything you or I might read in the Bible is, without faith, irrelevant because it's just a collection of writings, oral traditions and letters the Catholic Church put together many centuries before. So when you give me Biblical quotes they might as well be readings from the phone book. There is no quote that you can show to me that will cause me to suddenly see the light and become a believer. So we are still at square one. Because I don't feel a lacking in my life or a fear of an afterlife or some other reward or punishment, there is no reason to follow this path. I either have to buy it on faith or it won't happen.
When a person prays for some outcome, they achieve the outcome about 50% of the time. If they don't pray, they achieve the outcome about 50% of the time. But if the person of prayer gets what they want, they say, "See how God answers prayer." And if not they say, "It is God's will".
If there is a catastrophe and many are killed but a few survive, the survivors thank God for saving them. But no one blames God for killing all of the others. This guy can do no wrong. He's like a practical joker with a mean streak.
I think it's a good thing that I don't believe because if, somehow, I were to suddenly believe, I would immediately hate him for all of the things he does to little babies and poor people and the helpless. There is no excuse for this. There is no amount of reasoning or pretty parables that will explain away these brutal actions. So, either he doesn't exist or he's the worst villain in the universe.
I am not interested in the least in changing your beliefs and I know I couldn't anyway but please know that I have not come to these conclusions lightly.
Sorry for the tirade.

Oman